Happy Easter?

Being an adult is honestly the biggest drag. Growing up was probably the worst decision I ever made. I miss waking up Easter morning and sneaking out into the living room to see a glimpse of what the Easter bunny brought me. I miss decorating eggs and eating way too many Peeps. Today, I woke up at 5 am and dragged my ass around, getting ready for work. I wasn't excited about anything. I had nothing to look forward to. It wasn't until I got on Facebook at work that I even realized it was Easter. I wasn't dressed up in my Sunday best to go to Easter service with my grandpa. Instead, I'm wearing a Borderlands t-shirt and jeans. I'm not a cute little girl that gets to go on egg hunts anymore. It's a really sad reality. Even though it's dumb, I'm hoping that when I go to my mom's for dinner tonight, that there's an Easter basket waiting for me. I know I'm not a kid anymore, but I am very nostalgic and little things like that that are a hint to the past and what used to be make me very happy. If all else fails, I'll just go to WalMart and get some half off Easter candy for myself. On a completely different subject, I've been struggling to decide who I am. I can't seem to figure out my identity and what I want to do with my life. I don't know what my 'style' is, and what things I want to strive for as goals in the future. If someone were to ask me what I want to do for a career, and where I see myself in five years, I can't come up with a solid answer. I'm always changing my mind about everything. One thing I do know that I think most people can agree with is that I just want to be happy. Not comfortable, but actually happy with where I am and what I"m doing. I doubt that'll be me in five years, considering I'm far behind on things like college and what-not, but I guess I can hope, even though hope alone won't get me where I want to go. I don't know how people can be so sure of themselves and their dreams and identities. Do they just wake up one day and know? No matter how much time I've spent contemplating it, even if one idea sounds alright for awhile, by the time a week or so has passed, I'm unsure of the idea and myself again. It's a never ending cycle of uncertainty. I wish there was an easy answer for stuff like that, but there's not, and it's frustrating.

Everyday Annoyances.

Today was one of those days that started out rountinely enough- grumpily roll out of bed, get dressed for work, brush teeth and hair hastily, and head in to the job. Hard to get used to 6-6 shifts but I'm surviving so far. I have a fairly simple job. I monitor security cameras and alarms to watch for anything out of the ordinary. This leaves me with a bit of spare time. I usually peruse Facebook, Pinterest, Tumblr, etc. This gives me a lot of time to observe and think on the things and people I've seen... Today, I've found myself feeling extremely annoyed by human nature. I just needed a place to get out my thoughts and feelings in hopes that maybe it'll make me feel better. I know making a Facebook post would come off as immature, and of course someone would automatically fall under the assumption that the post was about them rather than relating to what it said and considering the words in it. basically, this generation disgusts me. People have been raised on the idea of instant gratification. If we want it, we HAVE to have it. Doesn't matter if it's meaningless or something we don't even need. Media forces everything down our throats, fills our brains with these ideas of who and what we should be as people in society. To be pretty, you have to have nice, straight white teeth, perfect hair, name brand and designer clothes and shoes, a nice car, and a pretty smile. You need money. You need to buy things. You can't be happy in your life with what you have already, nope. You need more more more all the time. You shouldn't have to work for it, though! Same goes for the way sex and relationships work. It's kind of frightening to me to see all these apps like Tinder, Grindr, etc... People aren't looking for meaningful relationships or something to work for and cultivate anymore. They just want the reward of sex. It's disgusting. I feel like the more we go on this path, the less normal traditional relationships will be. I love my boyfriend. I love having someone to laugh and joke around with, to go on adventures with, to cuddle, to watch stupid movies, to talk about games and more serious things like our dreams. Sex is great too, but I feel like it means more simply because I love him so much and know he's mine and only mine, and that he wants me for more than my body. Because he took the time to get to know me and fall in love with me, vice versa. He's dealt with my grumpiness, and I with his. He has offered me good advice even if it wasn't an answer I liked or wanted to hear. We've worked though some tough shit and gotten through hard times together, and what we have to me is the most wonderful and amazing thing in the world. Our relationship is solid. I often wonder why more people don't try to find someone like that for themselves, and instead just want an easy hookup and then never to talk again. If for any reason my current relationship ended, I'd bet everything I owned that I would never resort to that. It just seems wrong to me. I also detest people that are ungrateful for all the things that have simply been handed to them, or that don't understand the value of what they do have and fail to take care of it. People that are still greedy and whining for more when they don't even appreciate what they already do have. It seems less and less people have any type of work ethic, and don't understand the pride that comes in earning things yourself. They just sit with their hand out waiting for whatever it is they want to appear, and then once they get it, they don't say even so much as a 'thank you.' Good god, that shit makes me want to gag. It's especially prelavent with people in my age range and younger. Kids in high school and middle school nowadays have iPhones, tablets, laptops, and whatever and act as if that's the norm, like it's no big deal to own these expensive pieces of technology. People like my sister that got an iPod touch and promptly broke it within a short amount of time. Or when I gave her a kindle fire and she hardly even choked out a 'thank you' because she couldn't get past the fact that it was used. I believe she cracked the screen on that in less than a month. Not to mention the number of cell phones she's broken or lost because she just treats them like they're not important. She doesn't see them as a privilege or something to appreciate. I didn't get my own smartphone until I bought one myself, and didn't have a cell phone in general until I was 16. I used the same phone for years and never broke it, because I appreciated what I had. Kids these days are so damn spoiled and ungrateful, and instead of being thankful for the things they get, they complain because their friend has something better, or they have the newer or nicer version. Ugh. In short, today I'm just thinking about how disgusting, ungrateful, and lazy people are. I hope we can save ourselves x.x

Wow, I'm really terrible at keeping up with this stuff...

Where do I even begin with this? It's been well over a year since my last post. I was just going to write in my journal, but it has come up missing, and I remembered that I had an online blog thing that I may as well put to use. In the time since I last wrote, a multitude of things have changed. I worked at Maximus for about a month before realizing what a joke of a company it was, and then I quit. I ended up not going to school. I was jobless from October until January of this year, when I started to work at Idaho Pizza Company. I worked there for about a month and then found a better job in the billing office at Body Renew Fitness and Tanning. My job was really simple, had great hours, and paid better than minimum wage, so I was happy there. I dealt with a bit of drama between myself and my all female coworkers in my time I was employed, but I got through it. Things started going downhill in the last few months, before the gym itself ended up closing overnight, leaving myself and the other girls suddenly without a job. I found a new job working for Jackson's in about a week's time, but didn't get nearly enough hours there, so, again, after a month, I left that job for my current place of employment, Domino's. I deliver pizzas. I really enjoy most aspects of delivery jobs. You mainly sit in your car, listen to some music, and (hopefully) get tipped for it. Yeah, I get paid less than minimum wage, and the hours are never the same week to week, but the work is easy, and I can honestly say that I really like the people I work with. Charlie and I are still living with his parents, unfortunately. Where we're working now, we wouldn't make enough money to be out on our own. That, and the fact that Charlie has so many bills to pay for like his car payment, etc, would make it nearly impossible for us to survive. For now, I'm dealing with it, although I really wish we could just live away from here. My dream is to live in either Washington or Oregon, but I don't see that happening anytime in the near future unless I miraculously score an awesome paying job there and somehow figure out a way to move ourselves and all our shit there. Meh. Besides all that, not much in life has changed. I've been lazy with anything that has to do with creativity, and I've been wanting to get back into writing and drawing so I at least feel like I'm staying true to myself, but it's hard. I lack the inspiration and motivation that used to come to me so easily. I miss being able to bust out a poem seemingly out of nowhere, or my cool anime girl doodles that were usually halfway decent. Now I just waste away looking at dumb crap on the internet. I've been tempted to delete my Facebook so I would eliminate at least one distraction, but I know I'd be back within a short amount of time, so that just seems like a dumb idea. Things here in Idaho are pretty boring. I don't really have any friends that I regularly hang out with (unless once every couple of months is considered 'regular'). It's just the same old crap, really. There aren't many people I'm fond of here, and there isn't a whole lot to do activity-wise. I'm just tired of it here. I wish I had a productive hobby that I was good at, but I'm too lazy and impatient to pick one up and keep up with it. Someday, hopefully, I'll be where I want to, and I can look back at this with a small amount of justified self-pity and just say to myself, "You made it, good job." It'll probably be awhile before that happens, though. Guess that's it for now, hopefully I can keep up with this.

August the 31st, 2013

It's amazing how much can change in less than a year. I've written about it by hand in my paper journal, but I think from here on out it might be easier to just type... less chances of my hand cramping up, yeah? Well. The last post was about how I'd lost my job and my car and bitch moan whine waah boohoo. A few weeks after that post, I got the car (with help from my mom and stepdad) that I currently drive now, a 2003 Kia Spectra. It's not the best car, but it does the job and has a CD player. That's enough for me. I also had a job at another call center for Verizon, WDS, until the end of April. I walked out once I found out that I'd gone from one write up mysteriously to a third and final write up. Basically, I quit before they could fire me. Somewhere in the mess of April, I broke up with my longtime boyfriend Dillon because, in short, he was a piece of shit douchebag that didn't take care of me or himself anymore, and I couldn't handle it. I moved in with my friends Zoe and Shawn. Things went pretty well there. (I moved in with them before I quit WDS, just so I don't confuse the timeline here.) Then I found a job at Jimmy John's as a delivery driver, which is where Zoe worked. Within a few weeks there, I met the most amazing part of my life, Charlie McCarter. He is now my boyfriend and we live together. Yeah, it's a bit soon, but that's only because Zoe and Shawn decided to turn on me and kick me out. I had nowhere else to go, so Charlie talked to his parents and they agreed to let me live here. I pay rent and everything, so it's not like I got out easy:P Charlie and I are planning on moving into a place of our own soon. I have a new job coming up on September 16th at yet another call center, Maximus. I'll be making $11.17 an hour, working for the government. It has something to do with healthcare, but I'm not exactly sure yet. I guess I'll find out in training. With this job, and the financial aid that I'll eventually have refunded to me for this semester, I'll be able to afford getting us out the door and keeping us there. Neither one of us really wants to be here... We've both lived out on our own and gotten fucked over, so we both miss being away from parents. It's awkward for me to live with someone else's parents... I'm going to school full time right now, and I'm afraid once my full time job starts up, I might start to get really stressed out and unhappy... It all depends on my attitude. I know I can stay positive and make everything work out for the best, and keep myself happy and positive. Anyway, I'm getting distracted by other aspects of the internet (such as Jason Chan's amazing artwork that I just stumbled upon), so I'm going to get going and then later go to a party with my amazing, wonderful boyfriend. More soon (hopefully.) That's a piece by Jason Chan. Just lovely. <3

October the 2nd, 2012. (2:36 am)

First post. What should I even write about? Welp. I'm at mine and my boyfriend's friends' house. The other Dillon and Kaylee. (Except I'm Kaleigh, not Kaylee, so it's only kind of creepy.) Dillon and Dillon are playing Minecraft, Kelly is staring at Dillon and Dillon playing Minecraft, and I am typing about Kelly watching Dillon and Dillon play Minecraft. Thug life. At this point in time, I'm currently working a shitty full-time blog at a place of satan-worshipping, AKA a call center for AT&T. I hate the job, but I love the money I make ($10.50/hr), so I guess I can't complain much. At least the hellfire pays off. I've been thinking a lot about going on a trip lately... I'd love to take next summer and see England. I used to be a humongous anglophile.. I still am sometimes. I remember when I used to drink tea every day and say "bloody" before everything for emphasis. Yeah... Not to mention all the shit I bought only because it had a Union Jack on it. Britain is cool and everything, but I live in AMURRICA, so I need to accept the fact that my country is one that cares about modern dentistry and not tea time. Oh well. Anywho, I'm not sure why I'm even bothering to type out all of this bullshit because it's almost guaranteed that I'll forget about it and stumble upon it again in like 4 months and just delete it because, well, it's bullshit. Nobody's ever gonna read it besides me. Part of me wants to plan out my NaNoWriMo story for next month here... the other part of me wants to continue looking up pictures of Kristen Stewart and old cameras on Tumblr. I don't know what will win over. Actually, I think there's going to be a write-in candidate, and that would be taking a potty break. Au revoir, for now. Either way, blogger, you lose out.