Happy Easter?

Being an adult is honestly the biggest drag. Growing up was probably the worst decision I ever made. I miss waking up Easter morning and sneaking out into the living room to see a glimpse of what the Easter bunny brought me. I miss decorating eggs and eating way too many Peeps. Today, I woke up at 5 am and dragged my ass around, getting ready for work. I wasn't excited about anything. I had nothing to look forward to. It wasn't until I got on Facebook at work that I even realized it was Easter. I wasn't dressed up in my Sunday best to go to Easter service with my grandpa. Instead, I'm wearing a Borderlands t-shirt and jeans. I'm not a cute little girl that gets to go on egg hunts anymore. It's a really sad reality. Even though it's dumb, I'm hoping that when I go to my mom's for dinner tonight, that there's an Easter basket waiting for me. I know I'm not a kid anymore, but I am very nostalgic and little things like that that are a hint to the past and what used to be make me very happy. If all else fails, I'll just go to WalMart and get some half off Easter candy for myself. On a completely different subject, I've been struggling to decide who I am. I can't seem to figure out my identity and what I want to do with my life. I don't know what my 'style' is, and what things I want to strive for as goals in the future. If someone were to ask me what I want to do for a career, and where I see myself in five years, I can't come up with a solid answer. I'm always changing my mind about everything. One thing I do know that I think most people can agree with is that I just want to be happy. Not comfortable, but actually happy with where I am and what I"m doing. I doubt that'll be me in five years, considering I'm far behind on things like college and what-not, but I guess I can hope, even though hope alone won't get me where I want to go. I don't know how people can be so sure of themselves and their dreams and identities. Do they just wake up one day and know? No matter how much time I've spent contemplating it, even if one idea sounds alright for awhile, by the time a week or so has passed, I'm unsure of the idea and myself again. It's a never ending cycle of uncertainty. I wish there was an easy answer for stuff like that, but there's not, and it's frustrating.

Everyday Annoyances.

Today was one of those days that started out rountinely enough- grumpily roll out of bed, get dressed for work, brush teeth and hair hastily, and head in to the job. Hard to get used to 6-6 shifts but I'm surviving so far. I have a fairly simple job. I monitor security cameras and alarms to watch for anything out of the ordinary. This leaves me with a bit of spare time. I usually peruse Facebook, Pinterest, Tumblr, etc. This gives me a lot of time to observe and think on the things and people I've seen... Today, I've found myself feeling extremely annoyed by human nature. I just needed a place to get out my thoughts and feelings in hopes that maybe it'll make me feel better. I know making a Facebook post would come off as immature, and of course someone would automatically fall under the assumption that the post was about them rather than relating to what it said and considering the words in it. basically, this generation disgusts me. People have been raised on the idea of instant gratification. If we want it, we HAVE to have it. Doesn't matter if it's meaningless or something we don't even need. Media forces everything down our throats, fills our brains with these ideas of who and what we should be as people in society. To be pretty, you have to have nice, straight white teeth, perfect hair, name brand and designer clothes and shoes, a nice car, and a pretty smile. You need money. You need to buy things. You can't be happy in your life with what you have already, nope. You need more more more all the time. You shouldn't have to work for it, though! Same goes for the way sex and relationships work. It's kind of frightening to me to see all these apps like Tinder, Grindr, etc... People aren't looking for meaningful relationships or something to work for and cultivate anymore. They just want the reward of sex. It's disgusting. I feel like the more we go on this path, the less normal traditional relationships will be. I love my boyfriend. I love having someone to laugh and joke around with, to go on adventures with, to cuddle, to watch stupid movies, to talk about games and more serious things like our dreams. Sex is great too, but I feel like it means more simply because I love him so much and know he's mine and only mine, and that he wants me for more than my body. Because he took the time to get to know me and fall in love with me, vice versa. He's dealt with my grumpiness, and I with his. He has offered me good advice even if it wasn't an answer I liked or wanted to hear. We've worked though some tough shit and gotten through hard times together, and what we have to me is the most wonderful and amazing thing in the world. Our relationship is solid. I often wonder why more people don't try to find someone like that for themselves, and instead just want an easy hookup and then never to talk again. If for any reason my current relationship ended, I'd bet everything I owned that I would never resort to that. It just seems wrong to me. I also detest people that are ungrateful for all the things that have simply been handed to them, or that don't understand the value of what they do have and fail to take care of it. People that are still greedy and whining for more when they don't even appreciate what they already do have. It seems less and less people have any type of work ethic, and don't understand the pride that comes in earning things yourself. They just sit with their hand out waiting for whatever it is they want to appear, and then once they get it, they don't say even so much as a 'thank you.' Good god, that shit makes me want to gag. It's especially prelavent with people in my age range and younger. Kids in high school and middle school nowadays have iPhones, tablets, laptops, and whatever and act as if that's the norm, like it's no big deal to own these expensive pieces of technology. People like my sister that got an iPod touch and promptly broke it within a short amount of time. Or when I gave her a kindle fire and she hardly even choked out a 'thank you' because she couldn't get past the fact that it was used. I believe she cracked the screen on that in less than a month. Not to mention the number of cell phones she's broken or lost because she just treats them like they're not important. She doesn't see them as a privilege or something to appreciate. I didn't get my own smartphone until I bought one myself, and didn't have a cell phone in general until I was 16. I used the same phone for years and never broke it, because I appreciated what I had. Kids these days are so damn spoiled and ungrateful, and instead of being thankful for the things they get, they complain because their friend has something better, or they have the newer or nicer version. Ugh. In short, today I'm just thinking about how disgusting, ungrateful, and lazy people are. I hope we can save ourselves x.x