Happy Easter?

Being an adult is honestly the biggest drag. Growing up was probably the worst decision I ever made. I miss waking up Easter morning and sneaking out into the living room to see a glimpse of what the Easter bunny brought me. I miss decorating eggs and eating way too many Peeps. Today, I woke up at 5 am and dragged my ass around, getting ready for work. I wasn't excited about anything. I had nothing to look forward to. It wasn't until I got on Facebook at work that I even realized it was Easter. I wasn't dressed up in my Sunday best to go to Easter service with my grandpa. Instead, I'm wearing a Borderlands t-shirt and jeans. I'm not a cute little girl that gets to go on egg hunts anymore. It's a really sad reality. Even though it's dumb, I'm hoping that when I go to my mom's for dinner tonight, that there's an Easter basket waiting for me. I know I'm not a kid anymore, but I am very nostalgic and little things like that that are a hint to the past and what used to be make me very happy. If all else fails, I'll just go to WalMart and get some half off Easter candy for myself. On a completely different subject, I've been struggling to decide who I am. I can't seem to figure out my identity and what I want to do with my life. I don't know what my 'style' is, and what things I want to strive for as goals in the future. If someone were to ask me what I want to do for a career, and where I see myself in five years, I can't come up with a solid answer. I'm always changing my mind about everything. One thing I do know that I think most people can agree with is that I just want to be happy. Not comfortable, but actually happy with where I am and what I"m doing. I doubt that'll be me in five years, considering I'm far behind on things like college and what-not, but I guess I can hope, even though hope alone won't get me where I want to go. I don't know how people can be so sure of themselves and their dreams and identities. Do they just wake up one day and know? No matter how much time I've spent contemplating it, even if one idea sounds alright for awhile, by the time a week or so has passed, I'm unsure of the idea and myself again. It's a never ending cycle of uncertainty. I wish there was an easy answer for stuff like that, but there's not, and it's frustrating.